Top Ten reasons to live here

10. Drive-by shootings are only done with cameras
9. You don't get confused over which mall has the best prices
8. Our handcuffs are still in the wrapper
7. We've had over 100 years to clean this place up
6. No Smog
5. The only gangs we have are attached to large mowers
4. Best 4th of July Celebration around
3. Fresh mosquitoes every year
2. Rush hour only lasts 15 minutes
1. The bitter cold of Winter kills off all the old mosquitoes